Your Father responds: My boyfriend's semen is chunky — Is this normal?

Hi Malice,

I want to know is if it is normal that my boyfriend's semen has clumps (I don't know how else to describe it) in it? The semen has never been clumpy before, but the last time I gave him a blowjob, the semen had a chunky consistency to it. Should I be worried that this may be an STD, or is this kind of thing related to other things, and if so, what are they? Thanks.

-A little worried.

Dear little worrybug,

It’s really nothing to be too worried about. I have chunky semen all the time.

I have several theories on why it happens, the first of which deals with diet. I’ve found that the more alcohol and red meat I eat, the greater likelihood of chunky semen. I was eating those foods regularly and your mother began to complain, as my semen began to take on a particularly disgusting taste due to those foods. I was having a chunky semen problem about four of five times a month at that point before I switched my diet to more neutral and more healthy foods. Now it only occurs two or three times a month and your mom always has fresh breath.

My second theory revolves around sexual stimulation of the testicles. Your mother has a habit of squeezing them a bit too hard and I’ve found that this correlates pretty well with chunky ejaculation. Make sure that when you’re playing with Jason’s balls (I’ll assume that you are doing this, right? You should.) you don’t squeeze too hard.

My third and last theory is a bit harder to talk about. Are you sleeping with Jason or giving him dome often enough? One of the causes of this problem, I believe, is sexual understimulation. Semen is like yogurt, if you leave it out too long, it will get clumpy. Its science. Make sure you are draining him often.

I hope this has helped! I’ll see you for dinner tonight!

Your Father