Your Father responds: Condoms in the hot tub?

Dear Malice,

I have a question about sex in swimming pools and hot tubs. Will the chemicals deteriorate a condom? Also, can spermicide be used in water or will it be washed away? Please answer. Thank you.

—Curious

Honey,

Your mother and I have canceled our weekend plans. That jacuzzi cost $4,500 to install and there is no way we are letting Tim and you christen it before us.

Also, do Tim a solid and go on birth control. You're cavalier enough to try sex in a hot tub but you wont let the poor guy raw dog? Better yet, tell him you went on birth control and just...don't take the pills. Seriously, he's a keeper, you make that boy your babys daddy as soon as possible.

I also want to thank you for the $100. Your mother and I had a running bet on when you lose your virginity with the over/under at orientation week in college. Don't feel bad, the obsession with fishnet stockings senior year was a telltale sign.

Hope that answers your question. Dinner's on the table, your mother and I are going to be in the hot tub.

Love,

Dad