Your Father Responds: What's up with morning erections?

Hi Malice,

Why is it when guys wake up they have an erection in the morning? Does this happen to ALL guys? Thanks.

Dear son,
Ah yes. Morning wood. The most glorious morning are the ones when you wake up with that wonderful teepee. It's not something to be ashamed of, take advantage of this moment. Yes it happens to the best of us, and there are two things you can do.

Situation one: solo. This one should be obvious. I mean, clearly its been obvious for me...(not gonna lie...i've found your jerk sock and tee shirt cleaning your room the other day).

Situation two: wake up next to a woman. This one is tricky. You either must get rid of it (think of Azamat from Borat) if you feel that you may become embarrassed...OR... tactfully poke your woman with it while pretending to remain asleep. She will soon realize the situation and realize how sweet of a guy you are for offering her breakfast in bed.

Contratry to what that blonde bitch on those auto tunes keeps singing about on the radio...THATS how you wake up in the morning feelin like P diddy.

But seriously your mom puts that box of kleenex by your nightstand for a reason.
Dad